May 17, 2007

Hooray for litigation!

It's been said that "Persons are smart; people are stupid." After reading this article about a lawsuit pending against Dell, I'm not so sure any more....

I just love the quotes from the non-attorneys in the article:

"Why did I not qualify for promotional financing?" he asked. "I own my own home, always pay my bills on time."

I cannot tell you how many people asked me this when I worked there -- the problem is that you have to have near-perfect credit to qualify for the best rates. That's how it works anywhere, right? But anytime someone qualifies for a less-than-advertised package, it's always "But why? My credit is PERFECT! I've never missed a payment on ANYTHING! My credit score must be in the tens of thousands! My package is ridiculously small so I have to make myself sound important financially!"

Ok, I made the last one up, but still, I heard the same thing over and over and over again whenever we offered the No Interest plans. I love his story too -- he bought a $1500 computer, right? What kind of computer programmer would by a $1500 computer from Dell? The only reason I can think of would be that he was only offered a credit limit of $1500 (the smallest of five or six limits offered by Dell; just sayin'), which means he was NEVER offered the deal or at the very least was told about the interest rate either on the phone, online, or in one of the statements he'd received from Dell Financial Services. If he was mistakenly told over the phone that he would receive the promotion (which I doubt since the scripted answer for the $1500 plan includes something along the lines of "This plan is not eligible for interest promotions, blah, blah, blah."). This guy has no case whatsoever.


"We both have arthritis in our knees," she said. "And to tell my husband to get down on the floor ... I'll never buy another Dell."

The second quote I'm a little more sympathetic towards, but still. You're upset because the service agent asked you to move to the floor to open your computer? Really? This strikes me as odd for a few reasons. One: how is he supposed to know you have arthritic knees? Did you tell him this before he asked you to open up the computer? Do you think that there's a line in your profile that reads, "Couple has arthritic knees -- make them bend down as much as possible! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!" Two: if you're 75 and have arthritic knees, we can assume you've had them for some time, presumably longer than four years, right? I mention four years because that's the longest on-site policy that Dell sells, meaning that this couple probably had arthritic knees when they bought and received the computer. That said, if they can't bend their knees, how did it get to the floor in the first place? Did they just drop it out of the box while standing up? Well, no wonder it's broken! Also, how did they get the cords in the back of the CPU? Did they just throw the plugs at the back in hopes that they would magically fit where they were supposed to? I mean, come ON!

You want to complain about computer problems a few Dell experience, fine. You want to whine and moan about how your credit just isn't good enough to get the most elite of interest rates, go right ahead. You want to say you refuse to buy computers that utilize tech service agents that live in India (a la South Park's "They're takin' our jerbs!!"), that's your choice. But if you're going to bring a lawsuit against a company that holds your hand throughout the computer purchasing experience and tells you at every important step what your financial responsiblity will be, don't come with this weak crap. As delicious as the story would be, this isn't a case of Big Business screwing over the little guy. This is the little guy yelling loudly about the mistakes he made in hopes that everyone else thinks it's Big Business's fault. I hope that everyone else is wise enough to see the difference.